Gold Awakenings outtakes
by Bella-with-the-blue-eyes
Summary: This is a collection of outtakes from Gold Awakenings and maybe later Dreams of Gold. Title corresponds with chapters. Includes Edward's POV when he leaves and more. Give it a chance. It is what doesnt fit in the story, but I can't delete. Enjoy.


Edward Pov:

I punched the wall in agitation, and cursed. I was the world's biggest ass. No I was worse than that. I was the scum on the scum on the world's biggest ass.

I had broken the thing that I loved most in the world, and broke my own heart in the process. I had to do it though, she was far too important to lose. I would rather have her hate me and be safe than be with her and have her be hurt because of me.

First there was the whole thing with James in London. And if that wasn't bad enough, Victoria, the psychotic Victoria, decided to come after me. And the cost? I almost lost B…her. I shuddered to think about what might have happened if she hadn't escaped and been found. The whole time we were searching for her, I was clutching the Claddagh ring that I had given her, and hoping beyond hope that she was alive.

I hadn't even realized anything was wrong at first. I just thought that she was mad at me for talking to Tanya and had gone for a run or something. Knowing that when she got like that, she needed some time to herself, I headed to the pool to swim some laps.

It was not for two hours later that I even realized she was missing. And it wasn't even me. Alice had been calling her cell phone all day, and when she was heading to grab her car, she heard it ringing.

Searching, she discovered it near my car. Getting me, we figured she had just left it so as not to lose it while running, but then I noticed a glint of something near my tire. Picking it up, I realized with a dread that it was her Claddagh. And that was when Victoria showed up.

Her behavior was strange, but I was far more concerned with Bella, to fathom the many mysteries of that woman. When I was a young swimmer on my first Olympic team, she had shown me more about the world than anyone, and then broke my naïve heart when she went for James who was another member of the team at that time.

Now it seemed she wanted me again, and when I refused her, she snapped. Screaming something about "You will be sorry," she ran off. But not before her last words chilled me to the bone. "She will pay for your rejection!"

She was gone before anyone could follow her, and so Alice and I ran to get help. In record time a search party was organized and disbanded to search.

I wasn't the one to find her. No, I owed everything to my rival from the Olympics. I could only thank God that Jacob Black had been visiting his ailing father at the time. Without him, I didn't know if we would have found her in time. His knowledge of the neighboring woods was invaluable in the search.

Then came those horrible three days. I had no clue if she would even make it. I sat at her side for three days, begging the nurses to let me stay through the night. Finally on the third day, Carlisle forced me to go home and take a break. It was then that I realized what I had to do.

That same day she woke up, and I steeled myself to do the hardest thing that I have ever done in my entire life.

Knowing it was for her safety, I lied. No I blasphemed. She didn't believe me at first, and then I did the worst thing that I could possibly imagine. I told her I wasn't interested in her anymore, that she wasn't good enough for me. I pulled on the playboy attitude that I had been credited with before I met her.

At first I couldn't believe how she took it. Far from arguing with me, she seemed to collapse in on herself.

I almost couldn't bear it, but then I reminded myself the danger she had been put in constantly just for being my girlfriend, and I pushed on.

I couldn't resist one more kiss, knowing that it was the last time I would be able to do so. I kept it chaste, a slight kiss on her delicate forehead. I asked a final promise of her, though I knew I had no right to do so. When I pulled back, I feared for a second that she could see the truth in my eyes. I quickly dropped the Claddagh I had been clutching for the last few days in her lap.

Then I was gone. I had fled out the door and out of the hospital. I snuck back into my house, unable to face any of my family. Packing a few bags, I left a note explaining where I was going.

There was a workshop held by Michael Phelps, the swimmer whose record I had beaten just months before. I was originally not going to attend, not wanting to leave Bella's side. But now it was the perfect escape. Months of intense swimming training all leading up to the World Swimming Championships. The perfect distraction. Unfortunately, that was where I was wrong. I had never swum worse. And it was all because I couldn't forget the look in her eyes as I left her.

It was like swimming the hardest race of my life, when everyone else was lengths ahead and I was dragging a dead weight behind me. Before I had used her as a catalyst, a way to push me forward, and now I realized that without her I was holding myself back.

Swim after swim, I lost. It wasn't that I wasn't still beating competitors and records alike; it was just that I wasn't in my swims. I no longer held the soul of a swimmer, and as someone once said, "You can be the best athlete in the world, but you will never truly win unless you invest just your blood, sweat, and tears, but your heart and soul also." And as I learned from B… her that a real champion learns their sport, loves their sport, and lives their sport, body mind and soul. I couldn't learn my sport because I had no desire to succeed, I couldn't love my sport because I had lost my heart, and I wasn't living my sport, more like just trying to survive

It was all worth it though, if she was safe and happy. And I had convinced myself that she would have gotten over our relationship. She was the consummate survivor. She had gymnastics to help her and I knew that she would be fine and able to focus, unlike me.

My phone ringing broke into my thoughts. Alice, yet again. My annoying pixie of a sister was certainly persistent.

"What Alice?" I answered the phone.

"Hello to you too, you complete ass," she responded.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in agitation. "The last thing I need is an etiquette lesson Alice," I snarled.

"I wasn't talking about your lack of manners, although really there is no need to be rude. I was talking about your brilliant idea to break my best friend's heart."

"Alice you don't know what you are talking about. And besides she will be fine."

"No Edward, actually she is not ok. She is falling apart and she quit gymnastics."

I didn't believe any of it; this was not going to my plan. "How would you know Alice? You aren't even there, you are in LA." I knew that was low, but I couldn't help taking it out on someone. And I couldn't believe it. She had to continue gymnastics and she was moving on. That was the whole point of me leaving so she could be safe and happy.

"Because I just talked to her, and I know my best friend." I could hear the pain in her voice. I felt bad for a little, and then I got over it.

"I did it to protect her Alice. Without me, she is safer. I was the reason everything happened. If I am not there, she is safe." With that I hung up on my sister.

I left to protect her. And without me there she would be fine. At least that is what I told myself anyway.


End file.
